Even if you think you’re okay, read this article. Please.
By Martha Mintz, AAEA 2021-22 Board Member
I’m not OK. This article has been kicking around my head for weeks. With articles past deadline, more deadlines hot on my heels and Christmas looming, the chant has grown louder, Louder and LOUDER! I think the fact I can’t get it out of my head means someone besides me needs to hear what I have to say about not being OK. So here it is.
I’m not OK. I struggle with depression. I know what it is, how it feels and when it’s got me in its grasp. Many people don’t know, though. They think depression means being sad, glum, maybe suicidal. I’m none of those things. Those feelings are what depression looks like in its very apparent and well-known forms. For me, and so many others who let the condition slide and live with it until it does look like that, it takes a different form.
I’m not OK. When depression has me locked down tight, I don’t want to do anything. Literally nothing. I don’t want to play with my kids. I don’t want to work. I don’t want to socialize. I DO want to do what’s known as “numbing.” I want to get lost down every internet rabbit hole, in a game on my phone, in a completely garbage book, or in doing a puzzle or other random task that absolutely MUST be finished before I can do anything else. The last one might be more the hyperfocus portion of my ADHD kicking in (I’m a fun grab bag of mental health issues…fun fact, you usually don’t get just one of the rainbow of disorders).
I’m not OK. I’m able to fake it with my family—sometimes. It’s much harder to fake it for work, especially working from home. I pull and scrape and drag myself to my keyboard when I’m deep in depression. Once there, it’s another prolonged battle before I can bring myself to write, to write intelligently, to write passionately. I do a lot of features on people. People I like and admire. The pressure to get it right is significant and I need to be in a good brain space to do them justice.
I’m not OK, and I know it. So now what? I use a variety of methods to pull myself out of depression both briefly and long term. I rest. Even if it’s the middle of the day and I have deadlines I might take a nap, because that’s what my body needs to get my brain right. I feel better and have more energy when I exercise but finding time and energy can be challenging — isn’t that a frustrating negative loop. I have a “happy light” on my desk. In the past I’ve engaged in talk therapy which provided me some useful tools. Meditation, when I can sneak it in without kids present, is life changing. Try it. Seriously. (See my guide below) For me, finding stillness and solitude for 10 minutes has the same effect as a 2-hour nap. Finally, I take medication and stay on it—even when I feel good, duh, that’s the medicine working—as my depression is, unfortunately, largely a chemical imbalance.
My husband is not OK. He struggles with generalized anxiety, social anxiety, and, when his medications and strategies aren’t working, depression. He also enjoys meditation, uses medication, does talk therapy, and leans on me to help him identify when his brain is looping or exaggerating situations. Having a great support system—ours certainly goes both ways—is hugely beneficial for identifying when we’re in depression/anxiety. When we identify the other’s mental health is headed south, we can let them know and remind them to do the things they need to do to get out of that brain state. I make appointments for my husband because when his brain is at its worst, the last thing it wants him to do is go to the doctor. I help him force it.
Are you OK? It’s tough, man. There are untold reasons for us to struggle. Many of us work at home alone these days. There’s anxiety over a global freaking pandemic, an incredibly incendiary and polarizing political landscape, inflation that has maybe surpassed your annual raise if you were lucky enough to get one at all, ridiculously high expectations in school for you kids in college, Christmas, the demand to constantly be creative in a deadline industry and the list goes on. Not to mention it’s winter and most of us, especially us northerners, are not getting enough sunshine. (Side note: Take that handful of Vitamin D you guys!)
I’m not OK…but I will be because I know when I’m not OK. Do you? Take inventory of your emotions. How do you feel? Are you more tired than you should be? Do you have to work exceptionally hard to do any task that’s difficult or requires mental focus? Have you lost interest in things that used to bring you joy? Do you have thoughts of worthlessness, self-loathing, or a desire to hurt yourself? If so, seek help. Help can be a friend, a family member, a spouse, your doctor, a therapist (they’re online now), a coworker. Heck, call me. My number is 406-853-6853 and I’m glad to share what I’ve learned as I work on my own mental health.
I’m not OK. We’re probably not OK. But I hope if we band together and shine light on the epidemic that is depression, anxiety, and the many other ways our brain works against us we can truly live our best lives more often. Let’s all work on being a little more OK. Rest. Say, “yes” or “no” to activities, depending on which you say too often. For those that get couch bound, faking it until you make it sometimes really is the answer. Force yourself to be social, go to the gym, play with your kids or your pets. Remember work is not why we exist in this world. It’s what we do to facilitate the things that bring us joy. In our industry there’s certainly crossover, but make sure you’re getting the balance right.
We’re going to be OK. We really are. All the best to everyone and have a very Merry Christmas!!!
How I Meditate
Meditation sounds so silly if you haven’t done it before. What does it even look like? Here’s what I do.
Put on noise canceling earbuds or headphones playing soothing music or sounds. Something without lyrics is usually best. I like classical piano pieces and beach sounds.
Lay on your back, legs flat, arms at your side.
Rub your palms together until they’re warm and cup them over your eyes.
Keep your eyes open. Adjust your hands until there is no light to be seen. Look around actively with your eyes for a long minute or so to establish it’s truly dark and let your eyes adapt to the dark. Then, with hands still cupped over your eyes, try to look way off into the distance in the dark. I often see little spots at this point.
Now that your eyes and your brain are convinced it’s dark and restful, close your eyes and put your hands back at your sides. If you’re in a dark room, great. If not, it’s helpful to have a towel to put over your eyes at this point to keep light out.
Martha Mintz is a freelance writer and photographer, and runs her own business, Corral Creek Communications.